She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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