The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
