Girls should come with a carfax report
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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