the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
