eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
