"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
