He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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