wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
