rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
