I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
