She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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