This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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