Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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