man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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