god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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