Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
