it wasn't lemon gatorade
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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