i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
