While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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