I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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