his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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