God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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