Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
