he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
