This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
