allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
