were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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