2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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