Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
