Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
