the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
