My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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