My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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