we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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