im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
