i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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