you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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