lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
