piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
