2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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