She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
