Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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