90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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