I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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