I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dear god my vagina.
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