If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
