Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
