oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
