I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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