Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
