Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
