i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
