I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
