Pregnant stripper...not hot.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
