The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
