Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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