Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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