I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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