As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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