She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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