i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
