His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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