His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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