I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
