I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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