You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
