Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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