We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
